Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The Platypus and the Pastafarian

Is it wrong to have impure thoughts about your hairdresser?  And if it is, from whom should I seek forgiveness?  I think Flying Spaghetti Monster would be cool with it so, despite my Catholic upbringing, I’m going Pastifarian on this one. 
Platypus Salon is a one-man operation in a very nicely appointed house conversion on the east side (basically 5th and Pedernales).  Kelly is laid back and cool, except for that one time he told me to “look straight” in a very teachery voice, because this is serious business, this haircutting stuff, so I understand and it is kind of hot to be told what to do once in while.  Also I must point out that Kelly is the man who gave me a super awesome hair cut for a job interview in 2008, taking my past the shoulders, shaggy mess to an ultra sleek and sexy swing bob.  And I totally got the job.  But I stopped going to Kelly soon after…
Anyway, it is appointment only and essentially, it is just you and Kelly for the whole hour.  First, you discuss what you want your cut to be.  Then you go to the shampoo room.  Yes, there is a whole room dedicating to shampooing but really it should be called the scalp massage room.  Yes, yes, a scalp massage with some essential oil from his array of oils on the shelf (no patchouli, yay!).  Then you get in the “shampoo chair” and he turns it on.  Yeah, it’s a massaging chair and a really nice one, not like the ones at the nail salon that are kinda crazy and make your chest do weird things (although, it might be nice if it did, you know…).  Anyway, it’s like 15 minutes of really sensual scalp and chair body massaging, in which I spent lots of time thinking about how I had to go to work after this and thinking next time I should book an evening appointment.  But I was really trying to get out of my head and enjoy it, and did not say a single word during the massage portion.   Once he started shampooing, we got to the small talk which was pleasant.  He’s a cool guy for sure. 
Next is the actual hair cutting part.  And this I like as well, because he takes his time, and measures and re-measures the various strands and parts of your hair to make it cohesive and you know in the end, he cut it all and didn’t miss a section (I have definitely felt like this after getting home from a too-fast haircut).  More small talk, more chatting about bangs, and before I know it, he’s taking the cape off, and in my head I hear Natalie Imbruglia’s “Torn.” 
I pay and Kelly says to call him anytime about the bangs (anytime?).  Of course, my hair looks freakin’ fantastic and he did exactly what we’d agreed to.  I am happy and sad at the same time and remember why I stopped going to him in the first place: I was married and though Kelly is 100% professional, my mind is in the gutter 90% of the time so I couldn’t take all the sensual scalp massaging and then go home to an affection-free marriage.  Anyway, this review is definitely going in the collection of overly-sharey Yelp reviews that comprise a memoir of Melissa A.  Here is the Yelp version, slightly less sharey...

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